


Crouching Tiger, Hidden Ninja

by stripeypirate



Series: Kakashi Hatake's Unorthodox Teaching Methods [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes, kakashi is a devious mofo, pre-chunin exams, sakura does stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripeypirate/pseuds/stripeypirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi doesn't really know what to do with the bickering mess that is Team 7. He COULD sit them all down together for a little group therapy session, but why do that when he can enlist them in defeating his Eternal Rival?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crouching Tiger, Hidden Ninja

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to RedbeardtheNotPirate, God among Betas and purveyor of silly plot bunnies like this one.

A warm spring breeze blew through Konoha, carrying with it the promise of new growth, young love, and little baby birds. Not to mention restless genin. Kakashi sighed as he surveyed his group from a perch in a nearby tree.  They’d been waiting for over an hour now. Or at least Sasuke and Sakura had. Naruto had straggled in twenty minutes ago with a milk mustache crusting on his upper lip and for some unfathomable reason, leaves stuck in his hair.

“He did NOT,” Sakura’s shrill screech echoed through the clearing. Kakashi hadn’t been listening to the conversation, choosing instead the latest hot-off-the-press Icha Icha novel, but judging from that tone of voice, Naruto had said something unflattering about Sasuke.

“Did too and you know it!” The blond boy howled, waving his arms about in agitation. “You just don’t wanna admit your precious _lover boy_ had to have his butt saved by me.”

“Shhh not so loud!” Sakura hollered at a volume that made Kakshi surprised that folks in Suna couldn’t hear it. She leapt and Naruto and clamped a hand over his mouth. With forced nonchalance, she tossed her hair and peeked over at Sasuke.

The boy in question was standing with his back turned to his teammates. He showed no outward sign of agitation, or that he’d even been paying attention, but the killing intent was rolling off him in waves.

 _How am I ever going to get these clowns ready for the Chunin exams?_ Kakashi despaired. He suddenly regretted making that bet with Guy that his team would emerge superior despite their lack of experience. He made a mental note to establish a rule that any challenges issued under the influence of alcohol were to be considered null and void.

_That won’t let me off the hook with this one though…_

He could almost picture those ridiculous eyebrows waggling in triumph. No, anything less than the utter annihilation of Team Guy simply wouldn’t do. Kakashi cast a lazy glance over at his students who were still too engrossed in their bickering to figure out that the day’s assignment was to work on recon. Flushing out enemy soldiers from their hiding places was a key skill that would be absolutely vital in the fight-or-die survival scenario of the exams.

He needed something that would bring them together. And something that would even the score with Guy so that the bastard wasn’t quite so cocky the next time they met. An idea struck him with the suddenness and clarity of a lightning bolt. Team 7 was going to start playing dirty.

 

* * *

 

“And then, I was like nuh-uh, if you want your stuff back you’re gonna have to CATCH me first, and-”

“Let me guess, you ran away, they chased you, you narrowly escaped. End of story,” Sakura yawned, secretly hoping Sasuke had noticed her quick wit.

“Wh-How did you know?” Naruto slumped to the ground, deflated. “That was a good story!” he whined, sticking out his lower lip in a childish pout.

Even though he was facing away from them, Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Yo!” Kakashi appeared in a cloud of smoke. The flashier the better to impress his students, though perhaps he had gone a bit overboard with the effects, as Naruto and Sakura jumped about ten feet in the air, and Sasuke’s eyes were beginning to water from trying not to cough.

 He waited for the indignant howls of “You’re late!” died down to explain the mission.

“Now today I have a very important task for you three. Something I can’t entrust to anyone else. It’s top secret.”

“Woah no way! What is it? Is it tougher than the mission in the Land of Waves? An assassination?” As expected, Naruto was nearly wiggling out of his skin with excitement. Even Sasuke’s eyebrow quirked up with interest

“Let me finish. This mission will test your resolve and strength, right down to your very core. It’s imperative that you-”

“Well, what is it sensei?” Sakura piped up. “Are you going to tell us what we need to do, or are you just going to stand around acting all mysterious.”

Kakashi groaned inwardly. _No point in dragging it out any longer._ He ran a hand through his hair to collect himself before speaking in his gravelliest, most serious tone.

“You mission is this: Find a ninja named Might Guy and shave all his hair off!”

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe this,” Sasuke griped as the trio wound their way through Konoha’s crowded marketplace. “Who even let Kakashi be a jounin in the first place?”

Sakura let out a little gasp of surprise that anyone would dare disrespect their sensei, but quickly recovered herself. “Y-yeah. I mean, aren’t we supposed to be learning new jutsu and stuff? Not that you need much teaching Sasuke, you’re already so strong-”

Naruto let out a derisive snort, but before Sakura could whirl around and punch him in the gut, Sasuke hissed and dropped into a crouch. His teammates clumsily followed suit.

“That’s him,” he whispered, pointing to a man covered head-to-toe in some sort of stretchy green material who was chatting with the man at the fruit stand.  

“What makes you so sure?” Naruto asked rudely. “He’s pretty far away. Could be anybody.”

“Because he matches the sketch Kakashi gave us, dumbass,” the other boy muttered out of the corner of his mouth as he pulled out a piece of notebook paper with a crude drawing of a man with inhumanly large eyebrows and green leotard.  “Now, we need to come up with a plan-”

But Naruto was already gone, an orange jacket weaving through the crowd. Sasuke cursed under his breath and took off after hem, leaving Sakura confused and alone in the middle of the marketplace. 

 

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes later, Team 7 had regrouped in front of Ichiraku. Naruto was nursing a large lump on his head, while Sakura’s carefully coiffed hair had become frizzy and tangled. Only Sasuke appeared unharmed, though his jaw was clenched and a thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead.

“Who’da though he’d be so _fast_?” Naruto moaned. “I almost had ‘im an then BAM! He disappeared.”

Sasuke scoffed. “No, he just dodged your attack. You can’t charge a jounin head-on. Haven’t you learned anything since we graduated? Don’t you remember what happened during Kakashi’s survival test?” A vein was starting to pulse in his temple.

“I hope you apologized to that fruit vendor. His whole shop was destroyed!” Sakura cut in to scold, but her heart wasn’t in it. At this rate, they’d never finish the mission. Naruto and Sasuke would only get angrier and angrier and probably get into a fistfight while she watched on, helpless. Unless…

“That’s it!” She cried out. “The bell test is the answer.” The boys were too busy sniping at each other to even glance in her direction. She cleared her throat, but so such luck. Finally, Sakura grabbed Naruto by the back of his collar and flung him into the side of the ramen shop. Sasuke looked up with mild surprise.

“We… need… to… work… together,” she panted. “That’s the only way we can take down an elite ninja.” _You two need to pull your heads out of your butts first._

Her teammates winced at the obviousness. 

“But how’re we gonna catch him now?” Naruto prodded the now-larger bump on his head gingerly. “He saw me an’ Sasuke already. He’ll have his guard up.”

“Naruto’s right. For once.” Sasuke admitted grudgingly. “He might even have traps set up at this point.”

“But he _didn’t_ see me,” Sakura pointed out with an uncharacteristic gleam in her eye.  

 

* * *

 

Kakashi watched from the shadows as his team huddled together to confer. If he felt like it, he could focus his chakra in his ears to sharpen his hearing and listen in to their conversation, but he didn’t want to ruin the surprise. He’d even put Ichi Icha away, for goodness sake!

_Looks like they’ve figured out the basic ‘Teamwork’ concept at least. But can they put it into practice?_

The genin scattered; Sasuke and Naruto used their hard-learned tree climbing techniques to scale the walls, while Sakura strolled along the road in plain sight.

_Interesting…_

It wasn’t hard to follow the little group, as their senses weren’t yet developed enough to sense his presence, plus they all seemed to have a bit of a problem with tunnel vision. Kakashi made a mental note to work on that next.

Fortunately, Guy hadn’t gone far. He was pursuing the bookshop in his typical animated fashion. Sakura stopped about ten feet behind him, made eye contact with her teammates following on the rooftops and nodded once.

Naruto sprang into action, forming a shadow clone who hopped down and raced past Sakura, pushing her to the ground. Kakashi’s eyes widened as he realized what they were about to do.

“Help! Somebody help!” Sakura cried out in an impressively convincing  voice. A few civilians looked around in alarm, but only Guy, chivalrous bastard that he was, rushed to the rescue.

“What’s the matter, young lady? Whoever has distressed you so?”

To Sakura’s credit, she recovered quickly and managed to hide the shock and awe that flitted across her face for a brief second after coming into such close contact with those massive brows and enormous shiny teeth.

“T-that man stole my purse!” She wailed, pointing at the clone’s retreating back. “Oh, please help me.” She buried her face in her hands so that she wouldn’t break character and start snickering.

“Certainly! He will unable to withstand the powers of my youth. Fret not.” He gave Sakura an awkward pat on the head and dashed off, Naruto and Sasuke following from above.

 

* * *

 

The Naruto clone ducked into the nearest alley and vanished in a puff of smoke.  Seconds later, Guy rounded the corner and came to a screeching halt in confusion. Surely a common thief would be no match for his speed and finesse. Something was definitely afoot.

He didn’t have time to think any further, when a lasso made out of twine snaked down from the rooftop and lashed his ankles together. Guy found himself yanked upside-down before he could blink.

“Hurry up, moron, this isn’t going to hold him very long,” someone grunted from up past his feet.

“I’m going, I’m going,” another one below him grumbled. Guy craned his neck, but he couldn’t get a good look at either assailant aside from flashes of blue and orange. From the timbre of their voices, they couldn’t be much older than his own precious Lee. A childish dare perhaps.

“Nice going!” A girl this time. “Don’t forget to hide your face you idiot! If he sees us we’re toast, remember? If you can’t get the disguise jutsu right at least wear a mask.” A sharp whack and one of the boys whimpered an apology.

Definitely genin. Maybe even Academy students, if they couldn’t reliably perform such a simple technique.

“Start cutting already!” The boy above him, presumably the one holding the rope, hissed. He gave it a sharp yank to tighten the strand that Guy had slowly been working loose with his toes. Perceptive, that one.

Konoha’s Noble Blue Beast was about to end this silly game and simply shred his bonds with his own muscle strength when he felt the cold press of a kunai against his neck.

 

* * *

 

The next day Kakashi woke to a messenger hawk peering down at him through the window. Attached to its leg was a note written in Guy’s distinctive, loopy hand.

Dear Kakashi,

                I regret to inform you that I cannot meet you for sparring practice today, though I would undoubtedly triumph. Unforeseen circumstances have arisen and I will be unable to leave my house for some time. Our challenge shall resume as soon as possible!

                Sincerely, your eternal rival

Kakashi smirked underneath his mask. His team had succeeded. They were going to be alright. The Chunin Exams wouldn’t know what hit them. 


End file.
